" HMS Bounty" at the dock in Eastport for Pirate Festival
At 7:30 am we docked at the wharf in front of the Chowder House restaurant with the anticipation of taking on crew. Instead, we joined others on a smaller quicker vessel that could lead the raid into the Lubec dock. As the barrels of water balloons were placed on the "Bob" boat the ice chest was filled with essentials...beer, wine and of course mimosas. Beth and I stealthily hid our surprise in anticipation of all the little children waiting with their tiny water pistols and balloons. We heard the motorcycle raiders fire up the Harley's and squeal their tires leaving the dock, as we launched our ships. We would be the first foray to distract the inhabitants while the pirate bikers entered the town from the rear.
Arrrgh! a beautiful day for a raid but our pulses began to race when we saw the throng of residents awaiting our arrival at the town dock. The first pass, we softened them up with well placed water balloons and we were met with a barrage of balloons in return, that nigh on almost sunk our boat. We turned and instead of sailing by for a second pass our devious captain flung us into the dock and all hands poured over the side as water balloon after water balloon took its toll on some of the mates. The children obviously having partaken of too much grog forged toward us with their puny water pistols until we pulled out our surprise weapons.....Water Cannons!...Ya! Water Cannons!....these weapons would shoot up to 60 feet... almost a half gallon at a push....the little ones looked like they just stepped out of the shower!!! Argggh! They fell back as we advanced and made sure we hit some of their guardians as well! We had to turn and run back to the ocean to refill the cannons and just as the crowd thought, that's it, that's as far as they can go.....our biker contingent roared in through the throng, smoking up the whole village with hand held flares and fireworks thick enough to darken the sky. With all the bike noise even some of the raiding party got confused and wound up terrorizing the local drinking establishments instead of pillaging the village! Arggh! What's a good pirate to do.....the only thing we could do...we joined in devouring the towns victuals and grog!
Ralph, Beth and John
It would seem that some of us had more grog then victuals as I was informed later that my wife had ridden off with a motorcycle pirate, and his wife would now become one of the wenches on the return ship! Arrgh! I don't remember this happening at Contraband! Oh well! different pirate war! As long as there is grog, a good pirate knows what to do! Like the t-shirt said, "Rum is the answer!...What was the question?"
The sail back was filled with merriment, more grog and an occasional water balloon between pirate ships (never trust a pirate!) until the captain decided to play in the spinning eddies of the whirlpool "Old Sow". The wench I was given, got light headed supposedly from Old Sow but likely from the grog.
The captain returned us to the chowder house dock where I learned that some hour before, other wenches had made use of the swim platform on my boat. Arrgh! I missed it! Four of them decided to show their fortitude by jumping into the frigid water....one fully clothed, one lightly clothed, one bare chested and one with just her bikini thongs on! Arrgh! I wasn't their to prevent their scurrilous act and so far no one has come forth with pictures! Arrgh! Next year!
The Harlots Patty and Wendy, the Fledgling child pirate Faith, the Jackal Nick, the Pirate Captain Ralph and the Scurvy Dog Dan assembling for the parade.
The merriment continued for the next week and the following weekend was the big festival: many displays and pirates demonstrating cutlass sword fighting, riotous dancing moves, best looking pirate and best looking wenches contest, plays about the trials of female pirates, and pirates wandering around everywhere. When I saw one with a sign saying "SELL YOUR CHILDREN!" I quickly grabbed our grandaughter Faith by the hand and tried to strike a true pirates deal.
"Lets get a couple of gold doubloons for you, than I will steal you back and we will split the booty!" but she was having none of it and quickly ran to hug the leg of that snivelling jackal... Nick,.her father! Arggh! He later tried to do it for himself...only stopped by the glare of his harlot wife ...the child's mother, Wendy! Well it was good pirate fun....the air was filled with Argggh's!... most of them emanating from that scurvy brother-in-law of mine Dangerous Dan Kennedy and his cold hearted harlot wife Patty....cut you to the quick in a second, she will! Arggh!
Sunday was the pirate boat parade that I am proud to say Doc's Holiday won hands down....or should I say "Hands Up" because as we made our pass across the front of the wharf in our full pirate battle dress we loaded up the water cannons to make sure the gawkers got a taste of what we delivered to Lubec....but...this is apparently not why we won the contest! "Twas the little girl!! I was told. Yes, she was so cute sitting on the sun pads and waving her little cutlass in the air and screaming... Arggh!
Blimey! I guess the family that pirates together: stays together. Arggh!
The boat parade was followed by the lobster boat races. The pirates were thrilled to see a super alcohol driven lobster boat explode with a rush of blue smoke from the over revved engine. When they called for all diesel boats for the final race I turned Doc's Holiday toward the start line but with a cutlass held to my throat the wench Beth nixed the plan. Oh well.....next year!
Lobster Boat Races
